Q. What’s a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over!

A cabal of evil Frenchies have today switched on a device which will ultimately lead to the destruction of the universe.

The doomsday machine, named after its mad German inventor, Doktor Von Doomsday, was originally designed to convert sawdust and pubic hair into quality jewelery cheaply and efficiently before escalating EU grants of over 4 billion Euros forced the project to shut down. Embittered, Doktor Doomsday converted it to a universe destroying machine and sold it to France.

Despite warnings from noted international intellectuals such as George Bush and Eddie Van Halen that destroying the universe would not be a good idea, the perfidious French have persisted with the project.

Euro-Skeptic Nigel Flange of UKIP has said: “This is typical European bureaucracy and waste. If the French do manage to destroy life, the universe and everything, I hope they’ll apologise.”

Minnesota – Today former V.P. pick Paris Hilton formally challenged Sarah Palin to a catfight. Paris Hilton whom McCain had previously picked as his running mate, before having her vetted and discovering she had done time (2.5 days) in prison.

“I’ll show him what I learned in prison”, said Hilton, “It was two and a half days of hell! And I had to fight to survive. Now I’m ready to take on that Alaskan pussy he chose. That gray haired dude is going to regret he chose that wench!”

John McCain was reached on the road touring the small “middle class” town of Beverly Hills, “Miss Hilton obviously has mis-characterized the nature of our relationship. I at no time guaranteed the Veep spot to her and she needs to lay off of the bug juice.”

Meanwhile the Flamingo Casino in Vegas claims to have been selected as the location for a mud-wrestling venue for the alledged fight. Sarah Palin could not be reached for comment, but her husband threw down the gauntlet, “Sarah can whoop Paris any day of the week.”

“Oh we’ll just see about that after I smother her in the mud! She’s going to kiss my grits” said Hilton when asked to respond as she had her back shaved.

The date for the Great Mud Debate, has been set for September 20th and will be shown live on ESPN 8.

29 “Must Do” Things Before Turning 30 (listed in no particular order)

1. Swing by your knees on a flying trapeze

2. Teach the cat a trick

3. Develop your own cocktail and name it

4. Take a day trip to the local nudist colony

5. Place mentos in a two liter bottle of diet coke

6. Brew your own beer

7. Sit in the hazard zone of Blue Man Group

8. Eat duck in Chinatown

9. Go over the wake while waterskiing

10. Visit the Garden of the Gods…in a toga

11. Become an advanced super hula-hooper

12. Climb a fourteener

13. Wear a Hawaiian shirt for one day

14. Buy a pogo stick. Try it. Return it, claiming it made you look fat

15. Tour the Argonne National Laboratory

16. Build a wall

17. Learn to play a song on a guitar

18. Wear underwear of the opposite gender for one day -Tell no one!

19. Make a fruit cake and send it to someone

20. Visit Santa Fe, NM

21. Check out the Museum of Contemporary Art (in Chicago)

22. Take your photo with Superman

23. Place an ad in the paper “will accept free corvette”

24. Learn how to play golf

25. Run a marathon

26. Become a licensed U.S. Customs Broker

27. Buy something from a paid advertisement that ran after midnight

28. Create your own holiday and celebrate it each year

29. Tour the Robie House

19th Annual Valley View Recreation Club Nude Car Show

August 8, 9 & 10, 2008

It doesn’t matter if you bring your RV, 5th Wheeler, a tent or load the whole family up in the mini-van, just don’t miss the Valley View’s 19th annual Nude Car Show.

We’re planning, fun, music, games, food, and a chance to win some great prizes along with day and weekend passes through out the weekend.

Returning by popular demand to the 19th Annual Nude Car Show

WHOZ PLAYING

Set aside August 8-9-10 to meet your old friends and make some new friends at Valley View. If you’re new to the lifestyle, what better way than to jump in and see what nude recreation is all about. Bring yourself, bring your friends, bring your family, make this your fun filled weekend too.

New rates in effect for the 19th annual Nude Car Show.

Daily Grounds Fee will be $27.00

Need Directions to get there? Click here..

Call Valley View today at 608-770-VVRC or 608-423-3060 and make your reservations.
AANR & TNS discounts suspended for this special event.
Tent and RV camping rates are normal camping rates. Reservations for RV site recommended due to limited sites.

Plan your trip
Local Radar
Detailed Forecast

Am English Grocery Store tells Mom a picture her son’s baby bottom is pornographic

Sometimes I think the English speaking world has gone insane.

A mother wanted a baby picture of her son scanned onto her sons 21st birthday cake as a prank.

The supermarket, refused to scan the picture because they felt it was pornographic.

Most parents I bet have pictures showing their babies bottoms. (I bet many of them tease their kids when they get into serious relationships or married or like here celebrate big birthdays).

Of course the photos are all innocent just like the picture the mother wanted to scan here. Have English speaking countries lost their common sense (and sense of humor) or should I spell it humour since it is a British story. Don’t people in positions of “authority” have better things to do then censor normal things in life?

Luckily for Americans, Fox News was jolly on the spot letting us know about this breaking (or heartbreaking) story.

Here’s the story:

“Store Tells Mom Baby’s Bottom is Pornography

England — A mother who wanted to give her son a birthday cake featuring a photo of him as a baby had to get it censored because it showed his bottom.

Gail Jordan, 41, had gone to a supermarket in Merseyside, England, on June 13 with the photo of her son David taken when he was five-months-old.

But the store’s staff initially refused to scan the picture on to a cake because it featured nudity.

They eventually put a star over the offending part of the photo which was scanned on to the cake.

The cake was a surprise for David’s 21st birthday on June 18.

…”It was a photo of my son at five-months-old. I could not believe it.”

For the full story click here

This article focuses on explaining elementary terms and I’ll add few personal advices that could help, especially if you’re searching for “yourself”. Please note, those opinions are subjective – they are based on my personal experiences and observations. I’ll also explain difference between sexuality and gender.

Basic dictionary

* transvestite (abbreviation TV) – a person, that dresses into clothes of opposite sex. The driving mechanism could be sexuality, fetishism or assexual need to impersonate a woman. The change can include complete outer change: make up / styling the hair / wig and clothes of opposite sex. A transvestite doesn’t want a sex change, he is satisfied with his gender. Check also the Wikipedia definition
* crossdresser (abbreviation CD) – the same as transvestite, but crossdresser is satisfied with a partial transformation. For example he puts up only a skirt or lingerie. Check also the Wikipedia definition
* transsexual (abbreviation TS) – a person, who personally feels to be born in the wrong body (body of opposite sex). That means a transsexual desires to have a body of opposite sex and to be perceived as person he desires to be. Some of them even undergo a sex-change operation. Check also the Wikipedia definition
* tranny, trannie – informal spoken expression, identifying transvestites and a transsexuals. Some think it’s rude, in my opinion it’s absolutely normal.
* transgender – term identifying / concerning crossdressers, transvestites and transsexuals. Trans means in Latin “through” or “cross”, so freely translating it’s like “changing lanes”
* shemale, ladyboy – spoken term used in erotic industry. Mostly they mark transsexuals without main sex-change operation (pre-op TS).
* drag queen – term used in entertainment industry.

What I’m I?

I’m sure some of you asked yourself this question already. Differences between TV and TS are sometimes very small, and it’s even harder to distinguish in individual cases. In most cases though, it starts with transvestism and develops into transsexualism. A transvestite realizes, the reason for dressing like a woman is he wants really become one. Of course there is an endless number of factors that have impact on psychology and a formation of a transvestite / transsexual, but those rather topic of scientific discussions.
My advice

1. don’t suppress it and accept yourself – most of TV/CD/TS people tend to suppress their otherness, mainly because they afraid of mockery and non-tolerance in nowadays society. You may be afraid of public condemnation, obstacles or mockery, anyway you shouldn’t suppress what you feel. Often you try to suppress these feelings by intense work, sports, drinking or even drugs. But believe me, from my personal experience I know this doesn’t help. Suppressing yourself, avoiding solving real mental issues can lead into heavy psychoses, which are really serious and could be hard to get through. You are, what you are. No one has the right to tell you what you should be
2. find help – tell it to your friends / girlfriends or families, or find a professional help of therapist (psychology , sexology). Explain what it means, how you feel about it. If scared, tell at least a very good friend, A real friend will not mock you , personally I know it was an amazing enlightenment to tell my friends
3. think about what you desire and want – if you want only get dressed secretly at home or go out, or even a sex-change. But don’t push it!
4. don’t say, I can’t, but ACT! – so many trannies says, they can’t be themselves, saying they have no space, opportunity or premises, etc. You can dream about it or you can act. If you want to find a way, you’ll find it. Even I was like that, I complained to an English trannie and she said: “If you don’t want to, you search for reasons. If you want to, you search for ways.” AN d that changed my mind, cause I realized she was right. I can wait that life gets someone into my path that will do my makeup or I can learn it. I can spend endless hours chatting & complaining on net or I can read something that relates to me. I can say I don’t have conditions / opportunities or I can try to create them. Conclusion? Act, it’s the only way to change your life.
5. meet similar people – talking to people with similar people help a lot. There are meeting just for trannies, be it social or entertainment event. For start you can find friends online, but don’t spend too much time chatting only online. Your real problem doesn’t get solved via net, use net only as a tool for finding people. Don’t do the same mistake as I did, I used it to create some form of social existence. Real friendship builds up mostly on personal contact!
6. don’t worry about your looks – some trannies say „ I don’t have it simply, so I’m not going to do it”. Nonsense, no one is ideal. I myself have days when I tell myself I’m ugly, but I know I’m what I’m. there are thing sI can change and the things I can’t change. Care rather about your soul, you will not have a nice impact on people if you wiill not be more balanced. I got the best feedback from people when I was balanced, but not when I was nervous / sad / unsure.

Gender versus sexuality

Transgender people are special because they differentiate gender and sexuality , what is not common in society. Men are normally men, act like men and are attracted to women. What some people don’t know a trannie can be heterosexual, bisexual or gay. There are happy marriages when there is a woman and a man-transvestite. Being a trannie doesn’t automatically mean you are gay. It’s only a very simplified scheme produced by bourgeois people/ But the most important thing is understanding, your sexuality is only your business, no one else’s’. People should care about themselves, not about others.

General Tips for Crossdressing:

Face

* Applying Makeup: Take your time with makeup, don’t rush it. Practice before you go out. Consider finding a transgender makeover artist who can walk you through the application steps and tips.
* Beard: Shave closely with a cream or gel. Follow our tips for applying foundation. Be sure to use a beard cover foundation if you have a visible beard.
* Nails: Take time to manicure your nails. If you don’t know much about nail care, have a manicure done from a professional and ask questions. Also check out our nail tips section.
* Brows: Eye brows are very important to your look. Keep them groomed by plucking stray hairs. If you cannot get away with shaping them into an arch, try a brow cover and concealing foundation to cover them and draw in your preferred brow with pencil and/or pressed powder.
* Skin care: Take good care of your skin to keep it soft. Makeup always looks better on softer, smoother skin, Exfoliate skin with AHA products or exfoliation cleansers. Use a facial cleanser (not soap), toner and moisturizer daily, it does make a difference in improving skin texture. Clay masques are great for firming and plumping skin.

Body

* Breasts: Invest in a quality breast forms. Don’t fake this shape with padding or stockings.
* Hips: If you have a thick waist, invest in padded panties to give yourself a more attractive, feminine shape. Wear a girdle to slim the waistline.
* Hair: Get rid of unfeminine hair. Shave under arms. Use a depilatory cream on your arms and legs if they are hairy. It will last longer than shaving. You can find depilatory creams in the drugstore. Trim nose and ear hair. Shave any stray hairs on neck. Consider electrolysis or laser hair removal if you are concerned about excessive hair or heavy beard areas.
* Female Movements: Moving and holding yourself in a feminine way is important in passing. Observe how women move, gesture, walk, and talk as a reference. Then practice with a mirror or friend.

Safety

* Restrooms: When you are out and dressed, if you have to go to the restroom, use the ladies room, not the men’s. Plan ahead, avoid drinking to much and seek un-crowded rest rooms.

Afraid of getting out?  You’re not alone.  Most TG’s have or have had fears of getting out, especially the first time out.  Many start by getting dressed and going to a parking lot and just staying in the car or maybe making a brief trip across the lot and quickly back to the car.  Another favorite is finding a quiet street at night far from one’s neighborhood and taking a quick walk down to the corner or being really brave and walking around the block.  Those first time experiences can be quite an adrenaline rush. Such actions can also be risky and/or dangerous.

Eventually, when that is no longer a challenge, thoughts turn toward finding a quiet store to venture into, to pretend to do some shopping.  Also, a strong desire to make social contact may develop. transgendered want to fit into society without standing out, without being noticed, and without risking discovery.

There is a better way, safer, less anxious, and a lot more fun. Actually there are several ways, but this article will relate two that are relatively easy and cost very little once you are to the point of coming out.   The hardest part of both is the initial step through the doorway.

One of the least expensive ways for a crossdresser to get out is go to a bar that has drag shows, or to a gay bar. If you’re still not up to going in drag, go in drab.  Many gay bars are fairly understanding of TG’s because the gay community has many of the same repressions of society that we have.  Not all gays are open-minded, so do your homework.

Saturday night seems to be the night of choice for TG’s to get out, and Blake’s in St. Louis is often the most popular place to meet others, a great place to start.  In addition to the performers, there are usually at least a few other TG’s at the tables or bar.  There are other gay bars in St. Louis that offer a variety of entertainment.   In St. Louis, I know of only one gay bar that refuses to let crossdressers in.  Check out www.tgtoday.com – Getting Out – TGGuide .

Another alternative is to find a TG social club or organization that has monthly meetings.   Experience can be gained at the meetings and friendships can develop.  Many club websites throughout the US are listed at www.tgtoday.com – Links – Support- Clubs.  Clubs often provide changing rooms for members, and if you feel you need assistance in getting from the changing room (or your room if you obtained one) to the meeting room, ask ahead of time and some member will gladly help.  We have all been there.  I was petrified my first meeting, even though I had been doing the bar scene and had a few crossdressing friends.  That was just the fear of the unknown.

Both of the above offer a bit of a comfort zone.  They are relatively safe places to go to avoid being spotted by someone you know, unless they are crossdressing also.  Both places are safe from violence.   You get out, people see you and they don’t bite.  You don’t have to worry about fitting in with a certain form of dress or whether your hips or breasts are too large or too small.  Likewise, makeup and mannerisms are less important here than getting out in the general public.  You can see how others crossdress and act, but don’t expect any norm.  Some individuals dress and act very conservatively while others are a bit bizarre.  I myself have a wide range of dress depending on my mood and where I am going.   I’ll get into that in Getting Out – Step 2.

The Internet can also be a good place to find another TG to meet you at the door of one of the bars or club for help with that first step across the threshold.

The main point of Step 1 is to get out and put your fears of the unknown behind you.

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, “Did you call for me?” The man replies “No; what do you mean?” She says, “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. The man continues to explore the colony’s facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, “Did you call for me?” says the hairy man. “No; what do you mean?” says the newcomer. “You must be new,” says the hairy man, “it’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, “May I help you?” she says. The man yells, “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.” “But sir,” she replies, “you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.” The man replies, “Listen lady, I’m 68 years old; I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day! I’m outta here.